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How To Do the Flu.
“ Dateline: Mother and daughter suffer flu just in time to witness dog in never seen before, ‘humping stage’ of heat. What are the odds???”
After receiving the gift of illness from a snotty, feverish, offspring it is important to dress appropriately for the suffering. I prefer long underwear, night gown, robe and slippers. This fashion combo is versatile and comfy. I wore it two days before I realized that I had the long-john bottoms on backwards. I noted the access crotch, designed for male convenience in the front. If not for my keen eye, I would still be wearing them. You may, in between barfing and coughing, realize that there is nowhere in your home that is comfortable. The most desirable spot has to be shared with a sick kid and a horny dog. Take no prisoners, this is survival. Physically shove the interlopers off couch. If unsuccessful wait until their guard is down. Know if they stay, the probability of you waking up because someone is touching your face on purpose, with their foot, is high. Pick your arguments carefully. Who is sicker is an important one to win. This absolves you from dog- walking duty and may entitle you to beverage service. Be careful outside, in the cold, while walking the dog. Sudden motion can cause dizziness and nausea. The barfing, witnessed by the neighbors, may accidently land on the dog. When friends call and gripe at the answering machine, if you can find the phone, explain their probationary status can be absolved by the gifts of 7-Up and sedatives. They can leave gifts by door and not be infected. After all, the only treatment is rest and fluids.. Comments (6)
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